Have you ever opened the refrigerator and stood there, staring inside even though you weren’t really hungry?

Would you agree that sometimes we live our lives in much the same way, staring out at life, wanting something but not knowing what we want, but knowing that we don’t feel satisfied? We hear ourselves using phrases like “If I only got a raise life would be great” or “If I could just lose 20lbs I would be happy”. Living like this leaves us feeling unsatisfied and on an endless search to find happiness at the next achievement or in the acquisition of that new car, house, phone, partner, or anything which we so desperately want. Living our lives like this is no better than being a hamster on a wheel, running and never getting anywhere. I don’t know about you, but I don’t believe this is how we were meant to live.

I see a lot of people seeking happiness but I see very few being happy. The shelves of the library and bookstores are filled with books promising to give us the answer to being happy. The Madison Avenue ad agencies take advantage of our habit of seeking happiness from something outside of us by using psychologists to design ads that convince us that their products will transform our lives and bring us happiness or respect.  If all those books, products, and positive quotes contained within those books were effective shouldn’t we be the happiest damn culture in the world. Wouldn’t you think that by now we ought to be smiling and skipping everywhere we go? Hell, we ought to be a bunch of hug monkeys!

As with any Life Coach that empowers the people they work with, I will tell you straight out that I don’t have the answer to your happiness.  What I can offer to you my friends is a tool, in the form of an exercise that can help you find the answer for yourself. Don’t run away yet because I said exercise, this is an exercise of the conscious and unconscious mind. One that will start you down a path that has plenty of guide posts for you to follow along the way, and eventually will lead to your own unique answer. Now, if you hate being happy then I suggest to don’t read any further. The rest of the article is only for those who really want to feel it, so if you like feeling down, enjoy being a victim, can’t take responsibility for your own happiness then whatever you do, skip the rest of this message, you will not like it! 

This is a two step exercise and before you start you have to commit to doing both steps. After the first step you may feel like you have your answer but trust me, you only “think” you do. Honestly, you will do more harm than good if you don’t follow through so if you can’t commit to following the exercise in its entirety, don’t start it in the first place. The exercise takes place over one entire day and preferably finishes up in the morning on the second day.

This first step is quite easy and it and it won’t take any time from your schedule. On day 1 and only on this day ask yourself this question:

“I wonder, what things or events have I convinced myself will bring me happiness and are getting in the way of my happiness right now?”

As you go through your day, ask yourself that question as often as you can. Now don’t go walking around mumbling to yourself out loud throughout the day or your family and friends might have you locked up thinking you have lost your mind. Little do they know you are just beginning to take control of it. Before you go to bed set your alarm for an hour earlier than the time it’s normally set for because you will need some portion of this time to finish the exercise. Now, as you lay your head upon the pillow ask yourself one last time,

“I wonder, what things or events have I convinced myself will bring me happiness and are getting in the way of my happiness right now?”

Now let it go and get a good night’s rest. The purpose of this first step is to let the question stir things up inside of you and get your conscious and unconscious mind working to find an answer. You see, during the day your conscious & egocentric mind will be working to discover an answer using logic and justifications. Then, while you rest your unconscious mind will be working on a deeper level, beyond the logic of your consciousness to offer you an answer which cannot be clouded by your ego.

After you wake up the next morning go through your normal routine with one exception, if you drink coffee, tea or some other caffeine beverage, skip it until you are done with this step. How cruel is this, I have you get up an hour early then I say no caffeine? Really, I’m not trying to be cruel, well maybe just a tiny bit , but it’s important that you aren’t impacted from the effects of that stimulant as you continue. Instead grabbing that beverage, get yourself a pen and some paper.

Now, find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted. Sit down, make yourself comfortable, take a few deep breaths then focus on feeling the happiness that is already inside of you. It’s there, deep in your heart where it has always been. Here is the key to the exercise, while you sitting and focused on feeling you will notice that you are having thoughts which are getting in the way of the process of focusing on your true sense of happiness. You HAVE to pay attention to this self-talk, and especially pay close attention when you hear one of your “problems” come up and it is preceded or followed with phrases similar to “I wish”, “If only”,  “If I just”, or “I should”. Those thoughts are the indicators or beacons which are trying to show you the areas of your life where you are seeking happiness from things which are outside of you. They are the thoughts and the desires which you have given power to keep your life out of balance, thus closing the gate to your inner happiness. These are the things or events you are using like a drug as a substitute for your happiness.

By identifying those thoughts, then going deeper to understand where the belief structure we’ve created to support them came from, we begin to diminish, and ultimately remove their ability to cast a shadow on our natural state of happiness. When you are ready to stop this time of contemplation, take the remaining portion of the hour you set aside and write down what you have identified and without too much thought quickly write down why you feel you have allowed that belief to have any power in your life.

When you are finished writing go and get your morning beverage of choice and use any remaining extra time as bonus minutes. Taste your coffee a little more, listen to the sound of your family waking up, listen for your children’s laughter, do whatever truly makes you happy. I promise you that as your go about this day today you will discover that you are experiencing everything more deeply than you have for some time, you will realize just how happy you really are, and how little connection there is between your happiness and those other “things” or events.

Please share your experience from this exercise with me and ask any questions that come up for you. I am available to work with you if you experience any difficulty making sense of the thoughts and feelings that came up for you as a result of this exercise.