Blog « Rick Robare, Life Coach

Don’t Miss My “Living An Inspired Life” Program

Written By: Rick - Jul• 03•12

Imagine what your life could be like if you finally felt as though you weren’t broken and feeling whole, happy and content. Imagine opening yourself up to LIVING life by experiencing it as a source of limitless possibilities, no longer just existing from one day to the next.

By attending my new “Living An Inspired Life” program you will be guided through the process of upgrading the software of your mind and learning how you can have a truly inspired life filled with unlimited joy and potential for success. Life coach Rick Robare will guide you through this program which contains lessons, definitions, quotes, life stories, important exercises, and meditations that you can apply to create your own vision of an inspired life, then nourish it each and every day with proven Inspired Life Actions. This program is designed for those who need a push to open their minds and hearts to the vast potential that exists in and around them and crash through the obstacles that are holding them back.

Are you ready to live an inspired life by fusing your heart, spirit, and intellect to drive your thoughts, words, and actions? It all begins by you making the choice to say “Yes, I choose to live an inspired life, driven towards the future and away from the past.”

The “Living An Inspired Life” program is a 6 month program that meets every Wednesday. Session 1 of the program begins on July 25^th 2012 in Beloit, WI. The cost of the program is only $50.00 per month, saving you more than $2,000.00 over the cost of individual coaching sessions. An additional $50.00 can be saved by prepaying for the entire program in advance.

Registration is limited to 12 people and after releasing the program yesterday there are only 10 seats left. Reserve your place in this amazing program today by contacting me at (815)721-9290. For additional details and a program outline visit our Meetup.com page at www.meetup.com/InspiredLife

Posted in Goals | No Comments »

Break Free of Procrastination

Written By: Rick - Feb• 23•12

In today’s world, where productivity is a required character trait, procrastination or “not doing” is considered to be an unforgivable habit that…

a) Damages a person’s professional reputation.

b) Creates problems in personal relationships.

c) Erodes an individual’s self-esteem.

People are constantly on the prowl for ways to avoid putting things off by clinging to motivational quotes and phrases like “Just Do It”, then berating themselves for not getting through the tasks that they know need to be finished. There are multitudes of software products that promise to increase productivity, yet few people use them effectively for more than a few weeks or months. In this example the problem doesn’t lie in to software, it lies in the user and the fact that the software is merely a tool. Regardless of the tool we are using, if we don’t have the underlying knowledge on the proper use of the tool the end result of using it will be less than we had hoped for.

Procrastination has been bantered about to the point that it has been put on a pedestal so that it looks like it is an impenetrable barricade that we cannot breakthrough. So much so that it has been transformed into something that appears to be a weakness in our character, instead of just another obstacle that can be corrected or overcome. When procrastination gets in our way the goals we have get hidden beyond our vision by the barricades it creates. We end up focusing all of our attention on ways to crash through the barricade without considering the fact that all we really have to do is take a couple of steps to one side or the other and simply walk around it. In essence we lose sight of our initial goal, and instead our goal becomes overcoming the procrastination.

What do you say, let’s let’s put procrastination in its place and take away the power we have unconsciously given it to keep us from achieving our dreams? Every one of us can crush the hold of procrastination and begin moving forward again with this creative three step system.

1. Pick out what is you want to do

This sounds like an obvious statement and yet how many of us have a mile long list of “have to’s”? It’s unreasonable to expect that we are going to want to do everything that has to be done but if we focus only on what we “have to” do then we aren’t going to be very motivated to get anything done are we? We will spend more time and energy avoiding what we have to do and lose focus on what we wanted to accomplish in the first place. By the end of the day we realize that we haven’t moved closer to our goal and we beat ourselves up for being so unproductive. The next morning we wake up and there is no excitement when we consider what the day holds in store for us. That my friends is not living, that is simple existence and you know as well as I do that there is no joy in a life that consists of just existing.

If you want to be excited at the prospect of each new day then find what it is that you want to do and move towards that dream with the determination of a Panther hunting its’ prey. After all, life is too short and tomorrow is never a promise.

2. Create a ladder to your goals

When you create your goals do you focus only on the perfect realization of those goals? Do you find yourself worshipping them like some entity that you can never get next to? Do you see them up high on a shelf or a pedestal just slightly out of your reach? If you do then you are likely robbing yourself of the power to take the necessary actions that bring you closer to your dream. You won’t achieve your goals by walking down a perfectly straight path, you have to create a ladder to reach them and the rungs on that ladder are the steps you have to take to reach the goal.

The easiest way to build that ladder is one rung at a time. As soon as you finish reading this article stop and ask yourself what one action you could take that will bring you one rung closer to your dream, and then write it down. Don’t think about anything else; just build one rung on that ladder. When you’ve completed that step, ask yourself what you have to do in order to build the next rung in your ladder.

One rung at a time you will be climbing up the ladder to your goal and step by step it will become a reality instead of an object high up on a shelf that is out of your reach.

3. Recognize your fears, then use them to your advantage

Fear is one of the greatest obstacles to any of us achieving our goals, it paralyzes us and creates an inner resistance that is impossible to ignore. Fear is responsible for crushing the hopes and dreams of more people than anything else. Normally we get trapped by fear because we refuse to acknowledge it for what it is. We give life to it by attaching justifications or “what if” scenarios to it as though we have some special gift to see into the future. Fear exists in everyone; recognize it for what it is… just another feeling.

Once we’ve recognized that it’s just another feeling and acknowledged that it has come up in us we can accept it for what it is and use it to our advantage. If you are afraid of failing then you have to recognize that the greatest failure out there is not climbing the ladder to your dreams. If you are afraid of either you or your idea being rejected then consider how disappointed you and others will be if you don’t move towards your goals and dreams.

We’ve been conditioned to think that fear is a bad thing, that it’s something we have to conquer or beat. Change your perspective of fear and instead consider it to be a tool to be used by answering the questions it brings up in us. Fear is nothing more than a messenger and we can choose to ignore the irrelevant messages and take heed of the ones that are a call to action.

Look, procrastination isn’t some evil personality trait or antisocial behavior that can’t be overcome and being stuck in a cycle of procrastination doesn’t make you a “bad” person. But if you want to reach your dreams and goals you won’t be truly happy by living a life waiting to get around to getting things done. The pursuit of being happy is hard-wired into us and procrastination gets in the way of that. Follow the three simple steps I’ve shared with you here and before you know it you will be in the midst of a life of greater happiness looking down from the top of your ladder of success. The ladder that YOU built one rung at a time.

Posted in Goals | No Comments »

Facing The Storm

Written By: Rick - Dec• 31•11

The way I see it, the best things and the worst things in life aren’t all that far apart from each other because nothing lasts forever. So whatever comes our way, we have to be determined to make the best of it and work to smile through the storms. This might sound like an odd approach to life and the challenges that confront us, but by smiling in the face of challenges the “bad” things are rarely as terrible as we expect them to be and the “good” things are going to be better than we ever hoped for.

Posted in Beliefs, Fear, Feelings, Inspirational, strategy , Action, Beliefs, Challenges, Character, Inspirational, Perceptions, succeed, success | No Comments »

6 Ways +1 To Fight Fair

Written By: Rick - Oct• 29•11

The following article has been copied from The Huffington Post…

Everyone fights. The key, however, is to “fight right.” Handled correctly, conflicts can help instead of hindering a relationship.

We asked Dr. Benjamin Karney, psychology professor at UCLA and Gay Hendricks, HuffPost blogger and relationship counselor to tell us what makes a conflict productive — and what doesn’t.

“Keep the conflict in perspective,” advises Dr. Karney. “Ask yourself: If this conflict doesn’t get resolved, do I still want to stay in this relationship? If the answer is yes, it takes the pressure off the fight.”

Hendricks recommends “speaking from the heart instead of the head and shoulders.” “Most people communicate with their head — they focus on what’s wrong, on blaming the other person,” he says. “Instead, be honest without being blameful.”

Here are six tips plus one I added for effective fighting.

1)Keep A Conflict Specific:
Successful couples manage to restrict a fight to the topic at hand — that is, a fight about chores stays about chores. It doesn’t become a fight about the last time your partner was mean to your mother’s best friend.
“It’s hard to solve every single problem in your life, but it IS possible solve a small conflict,” says Dr. Karney.

2)Choose Your Battles Wisely
“Some issues in your marriage need to be resolved, some don’t and some can’t,” says Dr. Karney.
It’s a good idea to check with yourself if a fight is worth the attendant heartache before you let loose on your partner. Is this issue something that will make or break your relationship? If it isn’t, it might make sense to bring it up at a later date.
“Unhappy couples think that every single problem is as important. You may be able to change a certain behavior but not a personality trait,” says Dr. Karney.

3)Don’t Be Afraid To Step Away
Are you a believer in the “never go to bed angry” strategy? Dr. Karney says you don’t need to be.
“The negative way of stepping away from a fight is to say ‘I’m done with you,’ and make your partner abandoned,” he says. The positive way is to tell them that you need to take a time out to regain perspective.
Hendricks recommends taking a walk around the block. “Start walking in opposite directions around the block. When you meet each other again, ask if you’re ready to have a discussion from the heart,” he says

4)Listen Without Interrupting
“We’ve worked with 4500 couples and we’ve had to teach 4400 of them how to not interrupt,” says Hendricks.
Interrupting is the most common communication mistake. It tells the other person that their feelings and thoughts aren’t valuable to you.
Dr. Karney also recommends giving up the mindset of “getting your point across.” “If you’re feeling misunderstood, chances are that your partner is feeling misunderstood too,” he says.
Bottom line? Talk less and listen more.

5)Ask If Your Partner Is An Ally
Hendricks recommends asking yourself in the middle of an argument if your partner is an ally or an enemy. “Relationships only work if you work together as allies,” he says.
Let go of the idea that a conflict “needs to be won.” “If you win and your partner loses, you’re losing too,” says Dr. Karney. “A lot of people feel that if they don’t win, they’ll be taken advantage of,” he says. “But that’s a false tension.”
The only thing that matters is connecting and the failure to connect.

6)Notice Your Body Language
When we fight, we often adopt a defensive or offensive stance. We cross our arms or clench our fists and jaws. That, says Hendricks, can dictate whether a conflict accelerates or defuses.
“You can’t really solve a problem when you aren’t in an open frame of mind,” he says.
So take a step back and notice your tight shoulders and crossed arms. Consciously loosen your body and become more receptive to your partner.

This seventh item is one that I added. In today’s world of social networks, cell phones, and text messages it seemed necessary to add.

7)Keep It To Yourselves
Everyone want allies in a fight but when it comes to our relationships sharing the arguments outside of the relationship only creates more hard feelings.
If you have something that needs to be said, say it to your partner and don’t air your dirty laundry. Of course your friends are going to take your side and reassure you that you are right. But if being right is your goal than your perspective is way out of bounds. People who have to be right are more concerned about themselves than they are the relationship.
Another thing to consider about sharing the argument is how it affects the friendship overall. Most people are quite judgmental & not only will your friends take your side but they will begin to have more negative thoughts about your partner. Names we call our partner when talking to our friends while angry stay with them and although you may have only said it out of anger, your words begin to shape their opinion of the other person.
So if you are the kind of person that has a disagreement then picks up the phone to rehash it with your family or friends, or worse yet post it on your Facebook page, you will likely find that your partner’s willingness to resolve problems and talk openly with you is going to disappear. As a result the person who shares now has another thing to complain about, their partner won’t even talk about the problems anymore. Why would they, after all who wants their personal life broadcast like a newstory in a cheap tabloid?

Posted in Feelings, Love, Relationships , Discussions. life coach, family, friends, life coach, Love, Relationships | 6 Comments »

LOGGA Day – 10/25

Written By: Rick - Oct• 25•11

Life Skills Education @ www.LOGGA.us

LOGGA, it’s the spirit of giving love to others without expecting anything in return.

This day is dedicated to the memory of Dylan, a young man who reflected that spirit in his short time with us. At the age of 16, he passed away leaving a hole in many people’s lives. Initially the grief was devastating, however as time marches forward we have realized that because we love him, we have to be happy for him as he is exactly where he wanted to be.

Simply stated, LOGGA is a day for loving kindness in hopes that we can learn to feel before we criticize another person or speak hurtful words. We can do that by taking a minute to reflect on the impact of our words and whether those words really need to be said. We all know that once they are spoken they can never be taken back. With that awareness it’s important that we consider the fact that the hurt caused by our words is difficult and sometimes impossitble to overcome.

Let’s make it a habit to feel how you have been hurt by the words of others before you use your words to tear someone else down. If something has to be said go ahead and say what’s necessary, but work to say it with loving kindness.

That’s what the LOGGA spirit represents, giving love to one another. When we give it away it comes back to us time and time again and usually when we need it the most but are too hurt or too scared to ask for it.

The words below are Dylan’s and I’m sharing them with you in order for you to understand how words can crush the beautiful spirit of a person. I beg of you to be a positive and loving influence for everyone that crosses your path today, and every day from this point forward.

Dylan’s Words…

“I like to create ideas for stories. The reason I stop at just an idea is because if I created a story it would have to be a masterpiece. And if I were to make a masterpiece than it would have to be written down, typed out, or something. And that’s why I stop. Because I’m scared at the fact of it being destroyed.

To me a masterpiece is what a lifetime of work pays off to. Let’s say I go through my whole life time and make my masterpiece; and, someone walks up to it and takes paint, the darkest paint, and pours it all over my masterpiece. But, luckily for me, I could never start a masterpiece because every time I feel inspiration, someone pours paint on me.

Not even my ideas; but, me in general. Everyday somebody pours paint on me. I have to wash my clothes twice as much. I hope by now you’ve realized that this is an analogy. People everyday say or do stuff to me and hurts my feelings. Directly or indirectly, they do it. And I have to try extra hard not to let it get to me. Even the people that say they love me do it. But, I treat others as the way I would like to be treated. In other words I do nothing in return. And I won’t ever see the story again. They could try to scrape the paint off; but, what would that really do. I think to myself; was my masterpiece ruined before it was even written? The answer is… yes but no. Yes, it was destroyed before it was written; and No, I can always start a new one. Let’s see if this one turns out better. I think I’ll do just fine. aha”

Well things for Dylan didn’t turn out just fine. On 10/25/2009 the news of Dylan’s suicide sent shock waves through our lives and nothing could ever be the same again. Dylan made up the word LOGGA, we created the acronym as a reflection of how he lived his life, giving love away in hopes that it would grow in others. Today, of all days, is the day to dull the sharp tongues of hatred and malcontent and instead reflect the love that we would want given to us.

It is with honor that I have formed the LOGGA organization, dedicated to Life Skills Education and Youth Mentoring. Information about LOGGA can be found at www.LOGGA.us.

LOGGA my friends

Posted in Beliefs, Community Service, Feelings, Grief, LOGGA, Love, Principles, Quotes, Relationships , Beliefs, Change, Character, family, friends, Inspirational, Love, loved ones, Principles, Quotes, Relationships | No Comments »

What’s In Your Refrigerator?

Written By: Rick - Oct• 19•11

Have you ever opened the refrigerator and stood there, staring inside even though you weren’t really hungry?

Would you agree that sometimes we live our lives in much the same way, staring out at life, wanting something but not knowing what we want, but knowing that we don’t feel satisfied? We hear ourselves using phrases like “If I only got a raise life would be great” or “If I could just lose 20lbs I would be happy”. Living like this leaves us feeling unsatisfied and on an endless search to find happiness at the next achievement or in the acquisition of that new car, house, phone, partner, or anything which we so desperately want. Living our lives like this is no better than being a hamster on a wheel, running and never getting anywhere. I don’t know about you, but I don’t believe this is how we were meant to live.

I see a lot of people seeking happiness but I see very few being happy. The shelves of the library and bookstores are filled with books promising to give us the answer to being happy. The Madison Avenue ad agencies take advantage of our habit of seeking happiness from something outside of us by using psychologists to design ads that convince us that their products will transform our lives and bring us happiness or respect. If all those books, products, and positive quotes contained within those books were effective shouldn’t we be the happiest damn culture in the world. Wouldn’t you think that by now we ought to be smiling and skipping everywhere we go? Hell, we ought to be a bunch of hug monkeys!

As with any Life Coach that empowers the people they work with, I will tell you straight out that I don’t have the answer to your happiness. What I can offer to you my friends is a tool, in the form of an exercise that can help you find the answer for yourself. Don’t run away yet because I said exercise, this is an exercise of the conscious and unconscious mind. One that will start you down a path that has plenty of guide posts for you to follow along the way, and eventually will lead to your own unique answer. Now, if you hate being happy then I suggest to don’t read any further. The rest of the article is only for those who really want to feel it, so if you like feeling down, enjoy being a victim, can’t take responsibility for your own happiness then whatever you do, skip the rest of this message, you will not like it!

This is a two step exercise and before you start you have to commit to doing both steps. After the first step you may feel like you have your answer but trust me, you only “think” you do. Honestly, you will do more harm than good if you don’t follow through so if you can’t commit to following the exercise in its entirety, don’t start it in the first place. The exercise takes place over one entire day and preferably finishes up in the morning on the second day.

This first step is quite easy and it and it won’t take any time from your schedule. On day 1 and only on this day ask yourself this question:

“I wonder, what things or events have I convinced myself will bring me happiness and are getting in the way of my happiness right now?”

As you go through your day, ask yourself that question as often as you can. Now don’t go walking around mumbling to yourself out loud throughout the day or your family and friends might have you locked up thinking you have lost your mind. Little do they know you are just beginning to take control of it. Before you go to bed set your alarm for an hour earlier than the time it’s normally set for because you will need some portion of this time to finish the exercise. Now, as you lay your head upon the pillow ask yourself one last time,

“I wonder, what things or events have I convinced myself will bring me happiness and are getting in the way of my happiness right now?”

Now let it go and get a good night’s rest. The purpose of this first step is to let the question stir things up inside of you and get your conscious and unconscious mind working to find an answer. You see, during the day your conscious & egocentric mind will be working to discover an answer using logic and justifications. Then, while you rest your unconscious mind will be working on a deeper level, beyond the logic of your consciousness to offer you an answer which cannot be clouded by your ego.

After you wake up the next morning go through your normal routine with one exception, if you drink coffee, tea or some other caffeine beverage, skip it until you are done with this step. How cruel is this, I have you get up an hour early then I say no caffeine? Really, I’m not trying to be cruel, well maybe just a tiny bit , but it’s important that you aren’t impacted from the effects of that stimulant as you continue. Instead grabbing that beverage, get yourself a pen and some paper.

Now, find a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted. Sit down, make yourself comfortable, take a few deep breaths then focus on feeling the happiness that is already inside of you. It’s there, deep in your heart where it has always been. Here is the key to the exercise, while you sitting and focused on feeling you will notice that you are having thoughts which are getting in the way of the process of focusing on your true sense of happiness. You HAVE to pay attention to this self-talk, and especially pay close attention when you hear one of your “problems” come up and it is preceded or followed with phrases similar to “I wish”, “If only”, “If I just”, or “I should”. Those thoughts are the indicators or beacons which are trying to show you the areas of your life where you are seeking happiness from things which are outside of you. They are the thoughts and the desires which you have given power to keep your life out of balance, thus closing the gate to your inner happiness. These are the things or events you are using like a drug as a substitute for your happiness.

By identifying those thoughts, then going deeper to understand where the belief structure we’ve created to support them came from, we begin to diminish, and ultimately remove their ability to cast a shadow on our natural state of happiness. When you are ready to stop this time of contemplation, take the remaining portion of the hour you set aside and write down what you have identified and without too much thought quickly write down why you feel you have allowed that belief to have any power in your life.

When you are finished writing go and get your morning beverage of choice and use any remaining extra time as bonus minutes. Taste your coffee a little more, listen to the sound of your family waking up, listen for your children’s laughter, do whatever truly makes you happy. I promise you that as your go about this day today you will discover that you are experiencing everything more deeply than you have for some time, you will realize just how happy you really are, and how little connection there is between your happiness and those other “things” or events.

Please share your experience from this exercise with me and ask any questions that come up for you. I am available to work with you if you experience any difficulty making sense of the thoughts and feelings that came up for you as a result of this exercise.

Posted in Goals | 1 Comment »

Christmas for the Troops

Written By: Rick - Oct• 13•11

This is a letter from a dear friend of mine whose son is stationed in Kuwait. Judy is organizing a shipment to be sent to the squad her son serves in. Please read the following letter from Judy (below) and consider doing your part to show your respect for these young men and women who unselfishly put themselves in harm’s way.

Hello Friends of Mine,

During the holidays many of us look to do something special for those in need or for those who we may want to recognize and say thank you to, for the many different things they may do for us and others. Well this year I thought it would be a great idea to send a Christmas Care Package to the young men in my son Christopher’s National Guard squad, and/or platoon serving in the Army National Guard in Kuwait (Iraq). I spoke to Donnie and Jody Hamilton (Chris’s dad and stepmom), and they were enthusiastically on board with the idea right away.

Of course we (as a family) are going to send Christopher a Christmas Care Package from us and his friends, but what about those young men (and women) who may not receive anything at the holidays??? Well this is where I thought some of you MAY want to help. I am NOT expecting anything from anyone… I am just giving some of you an opportunity to join us in sending a Christmas Holiday Care Package(s) to our servicemen who are putting their lives on the line for our freedom everyday. (Well if that doesn’t just hook you right in, I dont know what will)… Anyway…

There are 10 men in Chris’s squad serving in the 1644th Transportation Company in Kuwait. There are 45 in his platoon. The response/items we receive will dictate whether the package(s) will be sent to just his squad or to his platoon as a whole. It can be anything from Christmas cards, to gum, packs of kleenix, grab and go snacks, holiday treats, or even a new pair of socks (not used either… lol). We are not looking to send a crate of packages, just a little taste of “Home-Town Holiday Cheer” from people in the Roscoe/Rockton area who want to brighten up the Christmas Holidays for some of our servicemen. We will, however, ship and pay for ALL the postage/shipping charges involved no matter how big the package(s) become.

What a wonderful way to bring a little Christmas (yes I said Christmas and not just holiday) to those who may not have anyone else to receive that from.

We are putting a deadline of November 1st on receiving the items/donations. We will mail the package(s) out no later than November 15th due to the projected mail during the holidays. If you are interested in donating any items (or know someone who is), please feel free to give me a call (home 815-623-7541). I am willing to pick-up any items, and I will be available for anyone to bring them directly to my home for safe keeping.

I am hopeful I will see some response, however, I know how the economy is right now and dont want to make anyone feel obligated to participate. This is just an opportunity for those who want to (and can) spread a little “Christmas Cheer” for some of our troops in Iraq.

God Bless you and EARLY HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO YOU ALL!

Respectfully,

Judy Hamilton
815/623/7541

Posted in Community Service | 1 Comment »

The Aroma of Your Heart!

Written By: Rick - Oct• 04•11

Feeling unmotivated and uninspired? This video offers a great message… What is the aroma of your heart?

Posted in Inspirational, Motivation , Action, Beliefs, business coach, Inspirational, life coach, Motivation, Motivational, succeed, success | 4 Comments »

Little Changes

Written By: Rick - Sep• 27•11

Little Changes Have Great Impact

Doing the same thing day in and day out is sure to bring you the same results. If you want things to change you have to change the things you are doing. Today is a perfect day to shake things up. Your challenge is to change one thing today and experience how good that feels.

It doesn’t have to be anything major either, the slightest change in your routine can have a great impact on how you experience the day. Here are some simple ideas that are sure to give you a different perspective as you go through your day…

Put down the paper and have a conversation with your husband, wife, or kids over breakfast.
Take a new route to work.
Make a lunch date with a love one or a friend.
Call someone you care about just to tell them you were thinking about them.
Hate exercise, don’t try starting a whole routine today. Start with 10 sit ups or crunches.
Take 5 minutes to look out the window and try to see something you’ve never noticed before.
Pay attention to the name tag the clerk at the store or gas station wears and use their name when you greet them.
Bring a treat to the office.
Have a big project to work on, attack just one part of it without worrying about the entire project.
Close your eyes (no, not while you are driving goofball) and listen to the sounds around you.
Change the radio station you listen to in the car.
If you can leave work a few minutes early do it and feel like you are getting away with something.
Reflect on one accomplishment in you life and what skills you had to use to achieve it. Then consider how to use those skills today.

Do you get the idea? A person doesn’t have to make a significant change to set about a whole new series of events. Let’ me know what you changed today.

Posted in Goals, Inspirational, Motivation, Power, strategy, Work , Action, business coach, Change, family, friends, life coach, Motivation, Perceptions | No Comments »

Pretending

Written By: Rick - Sep• 25•11

A woman had been diagnosed wither terminal cancer and only had a short time to live. Right away she and her husband started living each day with incredible clarity and love. Near the end the husband finally got up the courage to ask his wife what it was like to live each day with the knowledge that she was dying. Summoning all of her strength, she say herself up and looked in his eyes and asked him, “What does it feel like to live each day pretending you aren’t dying?”

Posted in Fear , Character, Inspirational, life coach, Motivation | 1 Comment »

Determination

Written By: Rick - Sep• 07•11

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”

(Ayn Rand)

Posted in Inspirational, Motivation, Power, Principles, Quotes , Action, Beliefs, business coach, life coach, Motivation, Power, Quotes, success | No Comments »

The Answer to Your Problems

Written By: Rick - Sep• 02•11

You have been searching for the answer outside of you and I will say that you are wasting your time.

All of the self-help books you read will not give you the answer.

You believe you are broken and in need of fixing but,

All of the time you spend searching for the answer to your problem brings you no closer to it.

The answer that makes every one of those books obsolete is clear…

You are already what you seek and you already have the answers you need.

Coaching works to teach you the process of finding those answers.

Think of all the free time you will have to spend the money you save on self-help books.

You Get A Life when you have me for a coach.

Posted in Power, Principles, strategy , Action, Beliefs, Change, Inspirational, Motivation, Motivational, Perceptions, Power, succeed, success | 1 Comment »

Back to Work?

Written By: Rick - Aug• 29•11

A Mom wants to go back to work but is afraid that she doesn’t have the skills she needs.

N.A. asks…
I am a married woman and a mother of two great kids who are in school full time. Before I had my kids I worked in Human Resources but my husband and I felt it was more important that one of us stay at home while the kids were young. Well, since he made a lot more money that I did it made sense that I would stay home, which is what I wanted anyway. Now that they are older and even though I enjoy being at home I miss going to work even more. My husband and I have talked about it and he said he would support me no matter what I decided to do. Now that I’ve decided to go back to work, the reality of finding a job after being out of the job market for so long and not keeping up with technology and other changes related to my career have me wondering if I should even bother. This is a big worry for me and now it’s beginning to affect my self-esteem too. Do you honestly feel like I would have any chance of going back to work in the same field, or has my time come and gone?
Rick’s Response…

N.A.,

Why on earth wouldn’t you have a chance? If you truly desire to get back into the same field you used to work in you are going to have to put some effort into it but I can’t see anything stopping you but yourself. Get yourself enrolled in computer classes at your local community college, looking for courses that teach skills using the most common applications such as Microsoft Word, Excel, Outlook, and PowerPoint. Also, use the information that freely available on the government web sites to research current employment laws and study them until you feel you understand what has changed in the years you’ve been at home. Ranking high on the list of things you will have to do is putting together a killer resume that let’s companies know “You Are Back” and they better snap you up before someone else does!

Sure, there has to be some fear involved in changing your and your families routine, but the longer you wait the harder it is going to be. Besides, it’s not like you haven’t ever done this before, you have the basic skills already so you don’t have to learn everything again, only the things that have changed.

Start by putting a plan together with “Going Back To Work” as your primary objective then break that objective down into smaller pieces that define the steps you have to take in order to accomplish your goal. Having a concise plan will accomplish several things…

First, you will always know exactly where you are at in terms of progress towards your goal.
Secondly, as you move forward you will gain a sense of accomplishment from completing the small steps along the way.
Finally, having a plan helps to reduce the fear associated with making such a big change in your life.

There are other benefits too, but those should remind you how important it is to have your lan in place before jumping in with both feet. I have a free planning template that you can download and print out to help you put it all together. Click <here> to open the template then save it to your computer. You will have to have a pdf viewer such as Adobe Acrobat in order to view/save it though. Adobe’s free pdf viewer, Adobe Acrobat can be downloaded by visiting http://get.adobe.com/reader and clicking on the “Download Now button. Oh, and if you don’t want the Google Toolbar installed as part of the download don’t forget to un-check the box just above the “Download Now” button that says “Yes, install the Google Toolbar”. My personal recommendation is that you DO NOT allow this to be installed.

I wish you all the luck in the world but that won’t be necessary if you plan for it! The belief that you can and will do this is just as important as the planning and the fact that your husband is supporting you in this is an added bonus that surely can’t hurt either.

Rick

Posted in Fear, Goals, Questions, Work , Ask The Coach, business coach, Change, Goals, life coach, Questions | 1 Comment »

Love or Family

Written By: Rick - Aug• 29•11

This question has to do with making decisions based on what your needs are and whether or not we should let what others say or threaten to do impact those decisions.

D.H. Asks…
After 14 years of marriage I was divorced because I had an affair. My husband was verbally abusive and never let me out of his sight. I understand that I am responsible for what I did, I get that. After 3 years this man and I are still together and we are considering becoming engaged. My sisters and my mom have told me that they refuse to meet him because, in their words, “He is the reason you are divorced”.They know how my ex treated me and use to tell me to divorce him but now they refuse to see that Tim wasn’t the cause of the divorce, he is just the result of a damaged marriage. Tim treats me great, he is kind and always shows my kids and I respect. My questions is this, Do I stay with and marry this man with whom I find so much happiness, risking being alienated by my family, or do I give up the relationship to keeps the peace in my family?<
PLEASE HELP

Rick’s Response…
D, let’s look at this objectively. Regardless of what your family felt about your ex-husband and the way he treated you they are angry because they are disappointed in you for cheating on your husband. Is what you did a good thing, of course not and you know that. Let it be said though that verbally abusive spouses are one of the most common reasons people go outside the marriage companionship. Let’s get past the actions of what you did, it’s in the past and you have to let it go in order to move forward. In order to do that you have to learn the lessons from it, whatever they might be. The reality of the moment is that you are wondering if you should consider what others will say or do regarding a decision about your life. Just as you let your ex-husband hold you hostage with his verbal abuse, if your decision is based on other peoples reactions or threats you are letting them hold your happiness as a hostage. If your family loves you unconditionally they will learn to forgive for you for your past actions and work to understand the reasons behind them. They certainly won’t learn by cutting you out of their lives.Look, what makes a person happy is for that individual alone to decide and sacrificing their own happiness to pacify others will only leave them bitter or resentful towards those people in the future. You have to do what is going to make you happy and if it’s a mistake, it’s yours to make and learn from.

With all the water that has passed under the bridge polluting the relationship with your family wouldn’t you agree that it’s time for you to step up to the plate to see if you can help them process the anger that they have with you. In order for this to happen you are going to have to open the door so all of can communicate what you are feeling openly and honestly. With some thoughtful considerations the decision you have to make doesn’t necessarily have to leave you losing a relationship with one side in order to have a relationship with the other. Sure, it could be touch and go for awhile but as long as the common thread is love and those who love you want you to be happy, then there’s a chance that all of you can come to terms with the past and leave it there where it belongs.

You obviously love your family so why not give them the opportunity to sit down as a group and work through this? Open your heart and be an example, letting them know that this is an opportunity to work together to not only maintain the ties of the family, but to make them unbreakable. It would be a good idea for you and your family to meet with a family counselor so you have an impartial third party to guide all of you through this transitional stage. In the end, if all of you are honest and you share the vision of what you want your life to become there is a chance that you can still have a relationship with your family if you marry Tim, although it’s not a guarantee. Be hopeful for the best outcome and continue to work towards it, but don’t lose sight of the fact that in the end, you may still be facing the same decision. If that’s where you end up, then you will be in a better place to decide what’s best for you and you can move forward knowing that you did your very best.

In the end, you have to begin to learn how to make your own life decisions without worrying about what others will say or do. Dr. Suess once wrote, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

Rick

Posted in Beliefs, Fear, Feelings, Love, Past, Power, Questions, Quotes, Relationships, Values , Ask The Coach, Character, family, life coach, Love, loved ones, Power, Questions, Relationships | 2 Comments »

Walk for Suicide Prevention

Written By: Rick - Aug• 25•11

<a href="http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.team&teamID=25794">Make a Donation!</a>

Every 40 seconds in the world, someone dies by suicide, every 41 seconds their family, friends, and the community are left to make sense of it. The Center for Disease Control reports in their latest data (2007) that there were over 34,500 suicides in the United States alone, and the rate of suicide is increasing for every age group between 25 and 84 years old.

On September 25, 2011 Jodi Robare will be participating in the “Out of the Darkness Walk” for suicide awareness/prevention. The event will take place at Baker Lake Park in LaSalle, Illinois. The walk is sponsored by the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. You can read more about Jodi’s group, L.O.G.G.A. (Love Only Grows if Given Away) and make a pledge by visiting the Donor Drive web site.

If your life or the life of someone you know has been impacted by suicide in any way, I urge you to visit the Donor Drive website and pledge a few dollars to help the AFSP’s mission, whose need has never been greater, or more urgent.

<a href="http://afsp.donordrive.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.team&teamID=25794">Make a Donation!</a>

Posted in Community Service | No Comments »

How to Kill A Business

Written By: Rick - Aug• 23•11

Do you love your business enough to avoid killing it by not committing five common mistakes made by business owners?.

Craving profit margin over a bigger share of the market…

Your competition will love you for this. All they have to do is lower their prices until you are out of business, then once you are gone they get the best of both worlds, profit margin and market share. Setting the price for your product or service so it sells while tightly controlling your costs will bring in more customers thus increasing your share of the market and killing your competition.

Forgetting you company’s focus…

Look, you started your business to serve a specific clientele and straying from your base, unless it adds a very significant amount of revenue to your bottom line, will be the first step towards putting the shutters on the windows and padlocking the front door.

Continuing to fund old problems instead of investing in solutions…

Business owners tend to get hyper-focused on one thing at a time. Because of that a habit develops in which they continue spending money to patch old problems in order for them to operate like they always have, which feels safe and familiar. The reality is that this habit keeps them stuck from moving forward and taking advantage of the opportunities that come from investing in the future. Patching old problems is like trying to plug the holes in a dam with your fingers, eventually the holes become too numerous and the dam gives way, and the business owner drowns in the mistakes of their short sightedness. With the investment of the future comes new opportunities for growth and advancement, which means more revenue.

Planning without consideration of the outside world…

Hey it’s tough to run a business, if it was easy everyone would do it. The work of running the day-to-day operations of a business cause many owners to forget to consider the economic and social trends beyond their own reality. What happens is their plans are usually misguided or incomplete and they are left to react to the changes rather than anticipating them, thus keeping them at least one step behind their forward thinking competition. If the planning is done with the consideration of what is happening beyond their front door not only can they be prepared regardless of any economic downturns or social changes, they can actually thrive during such times.

Providing your product or service but not selling it…

You do a great job with your customers, providing products at low prices and/or service that is second to none but without good marketing and sales the customer base will diminish over time. There has to be someone hitting the pavement to tell the world about what you do and draw new business in, because with new customers comes new cash.

Posted in Business, management, Money, strategy, Work , business coach, business process, management, money, succeed, success | No Comments »

Moving Forward

Written By: Rick - Aug• 16•11

This is a short parable that can apply to both our personal and professional lives (discussion following the parable)…

A wise man spoke to an audience, telling them a joke.
Everyone laughed like crazy.
After another moment, he told the same joke again.
This time less people laughed.
He cracked the same joke again & again.
When there was no laughter in the crowd,
he smiled & said :
“You can’t laugh at the same joke again & again
But why do you keep crying over the same thing over & over again?”

As far as how this relates to our personal lives, I feel the answer is pretty obvious. So many people rehash the same negative experiences over and over again in their minds or in conversations that the pain from feelings of the experience never has a chance to fade away. It’s like living the experience over and over again until it gets to the point where it becomes part of their identity, as though it is woven into the fabric of who they are.

Wouldn’t it make more sense to process the experience and extract the lesson(s) buried inside so that the experience can be let go of and the individual can begin to move forward in their life? From a logical standpoint this seems easy to understand doesn’t it? I’ll bet you can identify people you encounter in your personal or professional life that operate this way. It might even describe you! This is a nasty habit that will tear people down one fibre at a time and changing it takes real work, but with honesty and determination it can be changed a lot faster than it was developed.

Look, we all make mistakes, that the perfection of being human – being imperfect. It’s what you do with those mistakes that will define your success and/or happiness. You simply can’t be happy if you let your mistakes become your identity and their is no way you can use them as lessons to launch you forward in your life. If you want to be miserable, just keep focusing on what a failure you and how little others respect you and I promise you that your life will be miserable. On the other hand, if you want to live a balanced life of joy and success then I challenge you to celebrate your ability to learn and let go of things. Come on, I dare you to try it.

One might wonder how this can also apply to our professional lives, but with a little thought and consideration, it becomes quite clear. Most people would agree that owning a business or having a position in management is a series of successes and mistakes, some of which have greater impact than others. I, like many other business owners used to let the mistakes get to me more than I should have, even to the point of holding on to them and letting them diminish the joy that came with a future success.

The longer I was in business the more mistakes I made and for some reason, I kept a mental record of them, using them to temper the feelings of success that came my way when I did experience a positive outcome or achieved some goal. Over time that list grew to the point where it eventually outweighed any success I might experience. I hit my low point when I realized that I didn’t want to try to accomplish anything. I called it burnout, but the truth of the matter was I had defeated myself with my own thoughts.

Once I admitted the truth to myself I was able to see clearly that I had become my own worst enemy. It was at that point in time that I started taking the steps to eliminate that self-defeating habit. As a result I started feeling excited about my work again and once again I had hope for a future that would be unencumbered by the past

From my experience you can clearly see how this habit eventually beats a person down until they become paralyzed into a state of non-action. This happens in much the same way as if we were allowing our personal mistakes and tragedies to become the fabric of our personality. How can we change this habit so it no longer stands in our way of success?

We do it by looking closely at the”mistakes” we made in our professional life with the intent of identifying the point at which we got off track from achieving our desired outcome. Once we identify the action or decision that caused the error, we can look at it objectively and brainstorm new ways to approach the situation in the future.

Maybe the plan, if there was one at all, was put together hastily or we failed to consider outside factors that could influence the outcome. If there wasn’t a plan then we know it’s time we start planning our future instead of flying by the seat of our pants. Regardless of the error(s), once they are identified the adjustments can be made and we can get back on track and moving forward. While we all enjoy the successful implementation of any plan, the confidence we get when we attain success, in spite of unexpected hurdles, is even sweeter and with it comes a boost in our confidence because we know we have the ability to put a plan in motion and not let it get derailed along the way.

Here’s another way to think of it, which comes from something I read over the years: Most of us are aware of the fact that our country has technology that allows our guided missiles to hit a target, with amazing accuracy, that is thousands of miles away. I think we can all agree that the men and women who developed this technology are some of the most intelligent people on the face of the Earth. Consider the fact that while that missile is on its path towards the target it does not follow a straight line from point A to point B. As a matter of fact it is constantly veering off track many throughout its flight. In order to reach its target with such accuracy the systems inside the missile receive feedback when it begins going off course. In response to that information the navigational system makes corrections that put it back on track, right up to the millisecond before it reaches its target. If there was no feedback from the various systems we wouldn’t be able to expect the missile to come close to reaching its objective.

The ability to make those corrections was designed into the navigational systems because the designers knew that it would be impossible for the missile to hit its target without them. Let’s put it in perspective, some of the most intelligent people are not able to create a system that doesn’t make mistakes and they are still obtain a successful outcome because they were aware that mistakes would be made and they anticipated and planned for ways to address them.

Our enemies wouldn’t have much to worry about if we terminated the flight of every missile simply because it got off track would they? So why give up on your goals and projects because you encountered a hurdle, or even worse, give up before you get started because you got off course in the past? The successful person, team, and organization is successful because they anticipate and plan for mistake and hurdles then use those lessons as building blocks for future endeavors.

If we want to live a balanced life and/or achieve success in our professional life, we have to begin by becoming aware of the feedback we are receiving and be willing to make the necessary adjustments once we get the feedback. We cannot expect success if we don’t quit thinking of mistakes as failures and instead realize that they were nothing more than corrections along the way. Given that mindset it’s impossible for those “mistakes” to have a negative impact on you, unless you let them. They will no longer be a hindrance to your future behavior and they lose and power they had to paralyze you through the fear of failure or condemnation. As a matter of fact, they become powerful allies in your path to even greater personal and professional success.

I’d love to hear about how you’ve learned from past mistakes and transformed them into something positive in your life and don’t hesitate to send me questions asking for guidance with moving forward from a past event that seems to keep getting in the way of your success or happiness. I’d also be thrilled if you have additional insight that you would like to share with others thus making this article more powerful than it already is. You can use the comment box below or send me a message by using the form on my Contact page to get a hold of me.

Wishing you the greatest success possible!

Your privacy is VERY IMPORTANT to me and because of that I am personally obligated to let you know that your questions and comments may be shared with the public.

HOWEVER, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE will I share identifying information, other than the first name, of an individual or group who submits a question or comment unless that person or group explicitly requests it.

Posted in Beliefs, Business, Discussions, Fear, Feelings, Goals, Inspirational, management, Motivation, Past, Power, strategy, Work , Action, Beliefs, business coach, Change, Character, Discussions, Goals, Inspirational, life coach, management, Motivation, office culture, past, Perceptions, Quotes, rockford, succeed, success | 2 Comments »

A Father’s Letter to His Son

Written By: Rick - Aug• 09•11

My Dear Son;
College starts in a couple of weeks and you are about to face the reality of adulthood. You can take this reality like a slap in the face and live in fear of the things that could happen or look at is as the greatest adventure ever because you get to define it for yourself. In order for it to truly be a great adventure I wanted to take this opportunity to remind you of a few things.

Throughout your life I have done my best to guide you and show you that there are principals that are important in any endeavor you undertake. Such things as integrity, kindness, joy, honesty, and working for what you have.

At the same time I’ve done my best to give you an understanding that you are not to take anything that anyone says to you without question. Whether those questions come from inside of you and remain inside, or are verbalized for the purpose of confirmation and clarity. The idea of teaching that to you was so that you would learn to form your own beliefs and find the honesty of the world around you that rings true in your own heart.

When you find yourself about to do something and you have that strange feeling in the pit of your stomach, stop what you are about to do until you know the reason for that feeling. That is your consciousness telling you that something isn’t right and that something could be coming from your ethics, morals, or professional standards. I promise that if you pay attention to that feeling you will eliminate 90% of the mistakes others make in their lives.

The man who makes the easy decision for only the current moment without any regard for the implications of his decision is the man who will not represent anything, especially a man. No that person drifts backs and forth like the weak branches of a tree, subjecting itself to whichever way the wind is blowing because that’s the only way it can survive. Unlike the trunk of the tree which stands firmly rooted in the ground, never wavering and providing a firm foundation for those branches that cannot stand on their own. Which kind of man do you want to be Son? Are you to be the kind of man who falls into the ranks of the masses, being guided by some unknown force to a life of results based upon your reactions to the decision of others? The other choice is to be a man who sets himself apart from the others by not making the decision of the moment because it feels good, or it’s what others expect of you. The man that stands apart from the others is one who, without consideration of the judgment that may befall him, makes the decision that he knows to be right, regardless of the difficulty associated with it.

I’ve walked with you up to the door of your future and at this point the decisions become yours, as are the results of your decisions. When you make a decision I don’t agree with I will not condemn you for it but I will not support you in it either. When you act in a way befitting a man with intention and a desire to success I will stand by you and behind you in every manner possible. As you consider the decisions you are about to make in life do not consider what I will think or anyone else for that matter. Make the decision based upon what is right then be willing to defend those decisions when questioned. When your defense of those decisions can be clearly communicated without anger or intolerance of the person or persons questioning you it becomes obvious to the world that the decisions are ones of integrity. When your decisions are defended with hostility, indifference or with justifications it will be clear to everyone but yourself that you are lying. You may not be lying to others and that is the worst kind of liar, the one who lies to themselves.

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that those who have become rich are greedy and have no compassion for mankind. Remember that the effort those men put into creating a product has to be paid for and there is nothing wrong with a man becoming wealthy from his ideas or energies. Beware the people who would like us to believe that it is wrong to desire that profit and that by taking what is rightfully ours from the work we do is somehow taking away from the less fortunate. The fact of the matter is that the system has been set-up to take from the producers in this society and give to those who don’t feel it’s necessary to offer their best for the work that they do. It’s no wonder that the successful people in the world look down on those willing to be satisfied with token payments from a government that seizes the wealth created by others for their own mediocre existence. Do not become one of those people that think that the world owes you anything that you haven’t worked for. Never accept anything but the best from yourself or others!

When dealing in business do not bring your personal needs into the dealings, this is no place for that. If you want respect and success equal or greater than your counterparts never expect pity for your personal sacrifices or your past, which has no bearing on a business transaction. Always remember that a business transaction is for the mutual benefit of the parties involved and if neither of you are benefiting than you have no business working with each other.

There is nothing wrong with expecting something from another person when you are giving of yourself, be it in physical or intellectual form. To give your energies away to others, outside of loved ones, for anything less than it is worth is not only a sign of your lack of respect for yourself, but it also one of the greatest ways to show disrespect for your fellow man.

Don’t ever give any part of you away to gain the love or acceptance of another. Think carefully about what that means son. If there are people in your life who cannot accept you as are then why would you want them in your life? These are the people who will suck your ambition, motivation and will from you. They are the leeches of life who are so unsatisfied with their lives that they have to manipulate others into their own form of what they should be in order to feel better about themselves. They do this with phrases such as “if you loved me you would…”, “why can you just be like…”, “you are selfish”, “you only care about yourself”, and a million other ones. Avoid these types of people as if they have the plague because their disease is just as contagious and it will kill your spirit because they will never be satisfied with anything you do to try to please them.

Also, watch out for the people who feel the need to constantly remind you of the admiration they have for you. They are a sad lot that don’t even know they are trying to live off of your life force and are doing so by association. There is nothing wrong with verbalizing admiration for someone from time to time, but when it’s done too much, it is a sign of them being co-dependent on you. If you stay with them for too long your self-esteem will suffer and you will fall into the same pit of despair they live their lives from. The greatest method of admiration and love isn’t through words or love, it’s through the actions of those people who have those feelings for you. The people, who have a need to express it as if they are constantly reminding themselves, actually resent you for who you are because they know they could never be like you. These are the people who want you to feel as miserable as they do and they take some sort of sick satisfaction in bringing you down to their level.

If you want to enjoy life then live in a manner where you are honest to yourself and with others. Offer clarity in your words and actions. Do what is required of you to earn what you have and you will never feel one minute of regret for the things you want and acquire, or for the time you spend away from work. When you produce to the best of your ability it’s natural to enjoy every other aspect of your life because it can be done without guilt, fear, or resentment.

So, I have led you to the door of adulthood and whether you like it or not , it’is wide open and the only possible movement available to you is to walk through it. From this point forward in your life you will succeed or fail on your own accord. I will, as I always have, love you unconditionally, “have your back”, and “would take a bullet for you”. The wisdom I have gained always has been and will continue to be shown in that love, although at times you may question it. It’s during those times son, when you might find yourself questioning that love, that you should remember this letter and open it up to reflect on what I’ve shared with you. Then consider whether the actions of my life contradict any questions you might have about how much I do love and care about you.

The bottom line Son… throughout your life you are going to get everything you deserve, nothing more and nothing less. To expect more is a lie to yourself, to expect less is abandon everything I have tried my best to teach you.

Most of all son, I wanted to remind you how much you are loved,
Dad

Posted in Beliefs, Business, Fear, Feelings, Goals, Inspirational, Love, management, Money, Motivation, Power, Principles, Values, Work , Action, Beliefs, Character, family, friends, Goals, Inspirational, life coach, Love, loved ones, Motivation, Motivational, Perceptions, Power, Principles, Relationships, succeed, success | 2 Comments »

Free $25 Visa Gift Card!

Written By: Rick - Jul• 21•11

I am thrilled to offer a referral program that creates a winning opportunity for everyone involved and it’s easy too!

There are two ways to earn your reward…

1) Refer a new client & beginning with their 1st paid session I will send you a $25 Visa gift card for each paid session.

2) Purchase one or more sessions for employees, family or friends and receive a $25 Visa card for each paid session after their gifted sessions!

Most clients visit 2-3 times per month for 3-6 months so you could receive anywhere from $150 -$450 just by helping someone you care about.

Restrictions: Parents referring their minor children or step-children will not qulify for the $25 gift card. That’s it, just one restriction, not too bad at all!

Posted in Business, Donate, gifting, Goals, Money, Motivation, referral, Work , business coach, family, friends, life coach, loved ones, money, Motivation, succeed, success | 3 Comments »

Business Management

Written By: Rick - Jul• 12•11

Rick Robare, Life & Business Coach shares a quote about management style

”A very different philosophy of management is arising. We are moving beyond strategy to purpose; beyond structure to process, and beyond systems to people…. Asshole management is not inevitable.”
Sumantra Ghoshal -1948 to 2004
Humanist management thinker, writer and academic
He believed that management’s most important function was to be a force for good.

Posted in Business, management, Motivation, Principles, Quotes, strategy, Work , Beliefs, business coach, business process, Change, management, Quotes, succeed, success | 1 Comment »

Gratitude and Coincidence

Written By: Rick - Jul• 07•11

Yesterday afternoon I found myself in a place I don’t like very much, feeling sorry for myself. Now you might think, “Wait a minute, you are a life coach, aren’t you supposed to be able to stop yourself from feeling all of those negative feelings?” The fact of the matter is just because I have been trained as a life coach doesn’t mean I no longer experience the full variety of emotions just like everyone else, or get a little down in the dumps too.

Before I get too far off track let me get back to what I want to share with you. As I said, I was feeling sorry for myself because I wasn’t invited to my brother’s 40^th birthday party. You see, we had a falling out some years ago and while there is still love between us we don’t have much to do with each other. I have to be honest and share the fact that I made a mistake in my life that caused him to lose respect for me. I don’t beat myself up for the mistake because there have been a flood of valuable lessons that came from it. Now, had I not learned anything, it would have remained a mistake but instead it was exactly what I needed to happen at that time in my life in order to address a part of me that hadn’t seen much success, relationships.

Back to my story, so here I was yesterday, lamenting about the fact that I was left out of the celebration. Of course that righteous indignation came up inside to try to make me feel better. Now this is where my spiritual training and the education to become a life coach came in to play. First, I became conscious (spiritual training) that I was allowing feelings to be confused with facts (life coach education). The only facts in this situation are that my brother and I don’t talk much anymore and I wasn’t invited to his 40th birthday celebration. The act of feeling sorry for myself was being fueled by opinions that my ego was using to fuel the “poor me” feeling and “my family doesn’t care”, etc. Now that I had realized what I was doing I knew I was going to have to dig a little deeper into what I was feeling in order to see what was behind it. Naturally there were some deeper feelings that came up and I looked at them closely. The conversation I was having went something like this…

“I know I screwed up and I know his feelings got hurt, but after everything that’s changed since that time how can he not see that I am not the same person I used to be. You know, where does he get off judging me, like he hasn’t ever made a mistake? It must be hell to have to judge everyone and cut the ones out of your life that don’t fit your standards. I wonder who made him judge and jury!”

Now I know a lot of people have conversations that are similar because they’ve shared them with me. Certainly, I could have just kept on with that negative conversation and allowed myself to become more angry and indignant at the injustice I perceived to be applied to me, but something happened that stopped me dead in my tracks.

It was dinner time and I wasn’t much in the mood for cooking for my son and me, so I headed into town to pick up dinner. When it came time to pay, I handed the employee a $20 bill and she gave me the change, a $5 bill and a few coins. As she handed me the bill I noticed that there was something written across the front of it and I found that interesting because I while waiting in line I had noticed a web site address stamped on the $20 bill I had just used to pay for our dinner.

The word stamped on the $5 bill was “Gratitude.” Just a coincidence? First of all, I don’t believe there are many coincidences, and secondly how ironic that just at the time I was playing the “poor me” game and paying attention to what people wrote on paper currency I was handed a bill that had the one word I needed at that very moment in time. When I got in my car, I laughed at how everything I need seems to come exactly at the time I need it, then I sat there for a bit to consider what “gratitude” meant in the context of how I was feeling. Well, gratitude is the feeling of being grateful so naturally my thoughts turned to looking at what I have to be grateful for as a result of what some people might say were the “mistakes” that I’ve made throughout my life.

gratitude, thankful, life, money, safety five dollar bill, family, relationships, self-esteem, judgment, poor me

Well it didn’t take long for me to realize that those so-called mistakes weren’t really mistakes at all. They were, in fact, opportunities for awareness and change. When I looked closely what resulted from those “mistakes” I quickly realized that they were actually messages letting me know that some aspect of my life was out of balance and needed adjustment. If I ignored the first message I was sure to get another one down the road and chances were that the next one would be harder to ignore. Had I simply done nothing about them or chosen not to accept responsibility for my actions, then those messages would have remained mistakes. The fact of the matter is that some of the most precious things in my life are a result of what people who claimed to love me would call mistakes, then use them to cast their judgment upon me.

As I drove home, I knew I needed to reflect on what I was grateful for in my life. I thought about the amazing friends that I have, the ones that know my deepest secrets, yet they still love me unconditionally. Then I felt the love of my children and how much joy they have given me in my life. It came to light that the brothers and sisters who I am close with love me without prejudice and their love isn’t subject to some arbitrary judgment based upon their own perceptions. How fortunate am I that the people in my life love me for the person I am today and not who I was or who they would like me to be! I began to feel much better so I continued by appreciating the fact that I am able to hop in a comfortable car, drive a short distance to town, have the money to buy dinner, and drive back to a beautiful home in a safe neighborhood, while there are multitudes of people who have none of those things, people who don’t have homes, who don’t know where their next meal is coming from, and fear for their lives inside their own homes.

I have so much love and joy in my life from those who choose to look at who I have become that I realized there is no room in my life for the negative, judgmental, unhappy, and angry people who are looking for reasons to be offended. It also came to me that the fact my brother and I haven’t reconciled has, for the most part, been my choice so I wasn’t left out of anything I wanted to be a part of anyway. It has been my choice to limit my connection to him and the other people that had been in my life who use judgment as a fuel to feel superior to others in order to compensate for their own feelings of inadequacy. I have chosen to put a layer of protection between myself and the unhappy, angry people who have learned to apply conditions to the love they give. I made a conscious decision to live a life that is energized by feelings and consciousness instead of surrendering to my egoic mind. I have done the work so that I feel empowered, not threatened, when I help others reach their full potential. In the end, as sad as it may sound, the fact of the matter is some people can’t be comfortable in a relationship with someone who refuses to build themselves up on a foundation which is created at the expense of the spiritual and emotional well being of others.

Yes, I have more to be grateful for in my life than most people and it not because I am lucky, I believe it’s because somewhere, somehow I was shown a positive way to deal with what life brings my way. I believe in part, it’s because I have gone through the process of learning how to live from the heart and not just the mind. Certainly it’s has something to do with the fact that I’ve allowed myself to accept the pain of the past, allowed myself to forgive those who I believe were responsible, and finally leave it in the past where it belongs so I could get on with my life.

Now you might ask why I would share all of this with my readers, many of whom I have never met. I did so because I want others to learn from my experiences. I want those who are hurting, lonely, or feeling sorry for themselves to be able to interrupt their current thought pattern and look at the important things in their life from another perspective.

Here are some the more important points I hope you take away from this:

1st) Look, everyone makes mistakes, some little and some not so little. Remember that it isn’t the mistakes you make in your life that reflect your character, it’s how you respond to those mistakes.

2nd) When we learn from a mistake it can no longer be called a mistake, for it has been transformed into a lesson.

3rd) We are all the same! There is not one person that is any better or worse than another. While there are others that are more hurt or angry, that doesn’t make them any less of a person. By no means does that imply that we have to make them a part of our lives, but it does carry with it a realization that each of us respond differently to pain, sorrow, and fear, and that tearing other people down for the sake of stroking our own ego only serves to create more hurt in their lives. To act in such a way is the epitome of weakness.

4th) We get to choose who we have in our lives so take some time and reflect on the people in your life then consider whther they bring joy or negativity into your world. It’s alright to put space between you and the ones that don’t give you joy, even if they are family. When it comes to family members the decision might be more difficult but it can be made easier by asking yourself a simple question, “If this person weren’t in my family, would I want them for a friend?”

5th) As often as you can throughout the day, reflect on one or more the the gifts you have to be grateful for in your life. Never start or end your day without doing this in order to be sure you don’t take a single one for granted.

6th) “Mistakes” and “Problems” are nothing more than opportunities waiting for solutions to be discovered. They are the feedback that we need in order to make corrections over the course of our lives.

7th) This is somewhat related to the fourth point, but it’s one of the most important so it needs its own space. Look, it’s hard enough to deal with all of the judgment we heap on ourselves from day to day, so why would we want to allow judgmental people to be a part of our life? We cannot allow the people that talk about others, who criticize and demean the very people they supposedly care about if we truly want to be happy. Having relationships with these kinds of people will damage an individual’s self-esteem and cause unnecessary emotional pain due to the fact that the longer we allow them to be a part of our lives the harder we will work to try to please them. The fact of the matter is that no one will ever be good enough for them because they think they are better than everyone else. These people can also be identified by the anger that comes out when someone disagrees with their opinion or points out a mistake they made.

So was it a coincidence that I was given a $5 bill stamped with the word “Gratitude” when I was feeling sorry for myself? Did I mention that I don’t believe in coincidences?

Posted in Beliefs, Discussions, Fear, Feelings, Love, Money, Most Requested, Past, Power, Principles, Relationships, Values , Beliefs, Change, Character, Discussions, family, Inspirational, life coach, Love, money, past, Perceptions, Principles, Relationships, rockford, succeed, success | No Comments »

Who Teaches You?

Written By: Rick - Jun• 25•11

We learn simply by the
exposure of living.
Much that passes for education
is not education at all
but ritual.
The fact is that we are
being educated when
we know it least.

DAVID P. GARDNER

The title asks “Who Teaches You” and most people would answer that it’s a teacher or professor in a classroom, or maybe their boss or your mentor, and quite possibly their mom or dad! It sure isn’t the great quotes you read, or the self-help books that line your shelves, it isn’t even the amazing articles you read from this fantastic life coaches blog. Wow, I can’t believe I just admitted that! I’m not trying to be cryptic, but I am working to make YOU think a little deeper because that’s what I do

The only teacher that really matters is you . All of those other people, including me, can only present you with the information but it’s you that has to decide what fits for you and what doesn’t. Of all the information that comes your way, only you can accept what applies to your life and what does not, what you want to learn now and what you tell yourself you’ll learn some other time.

Haven’t you ever thought about why it is that two people can witness the same event and remember it completely different than the next person, or how one thing stands out to someone and something different stands out to the next person. You see, life presents the lessons and you decide what which one are important enough to learn from.

Posted in Inspirational, Motivation, Values, Work , Action, Beliefs, Goals, Inspirational, life coach, management style, Motivation, Perceptions, Power, Principles, Relationships, rockford, succeed, success | No Comments »

Nails in the Fence

Written By: Rick - Jun• 23•11

The parable does a great job of illustrating the power of words and the impact they have on others.

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.

His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all.

He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

He said, ‘You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence.

The fence will never be the same.

When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.

You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.

But it won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound will still be there.

A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

This story certainly teaches an important lesson about being careful what we say to others doesn’t it? But the story stops too soon because there is more that needs to be taught about the power of words.

Whether the words are spoken in anger or not, they can still be hurtful to the other person(s). In communication it’s important to remember that what we are saying isn’t necessarily what the other person is hearing. Sure, the words you speak are the same ones that hit their eardrums, but that’s where things begin to change. Your words travel through the other person’s filters of unconscious perception then into their semi-conscious reasoning before conscious understanding can exist. The way they interpret what you say will depend upon those filters, which are essentially the sum of everything they have experienced and heard up to that very moment. Because their experiences differ from yours, there is a good chance that your meaning will be lost, diluted, or misunderstood.

It doesn’t matter who we are talking with, family, friends, or co-workers, the way we express how we are feeling has an impact on other people. One of the more rewarding aspects of my business communications coaching is watching an office environment transform as the heaviness of mis-perceptions, the counterproductive backstabbing, and motivational zapping, ego based mistrust are eliminated and people begin to speak to each other with respect and dignity. Watching each person as they feel more motivated and free to achieve their full potential is an awesome gift

To sum things up, I am saying that we have to go beyond being aware that words of anger are hurtful and realize that others might not understand what we are trying to say. Knowing that, consider your words carefully and make sure what you say is delivered with consciousness and clarity.

Jodi, thank you for sharing the parable with me.

Posted in Beliefs, Feelings, Inspirational, Love, Past, Principles, Values , Beliefs, Change, Character, Inspirational, life coach, Love, Motivation, past, Perceptions, Principles, Relationships | No Comments »

A New World Order…

Written By: Rick - Jun• 03•11

“To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right.” ~ Confucius

Posted in Beliefs, Inspirational, Quotes, Values , business coach, Change, Inspirational, life coach, Motivation, Motivational, Perceptions, Principles, Quotes, rockford, success | No Comments »

Destiny

Written By: Rick - May• 25•11

“Keep your thoughts positive, because your thoughts become your words.Keep your words positive, because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive, because your behavior become your habits. Keep your habits positive, because your habits become your values.

Keep your values positive, because your values become your destiny.”

Mahatma Gandhi

Posted in Most Requested, Principles, Quotes, Values , Beliefs, Change, Character, Inspirational, life coach, Motivation, Motivational, Principles, Quotes | No Comments »

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